Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all

After you experience a significant loss, people will always tell you that time heals everything.  Anyone who truly knows me, knows that I don't sugar coat things, so here's the ugly truth - some wounds might heal, but will still scar.

Nearly five years ago, I lost my mom to a battle with ovarian cancer.  It was very quick.  I remember getting a call from my mom on June 20, 2006 telling me that her doctor had found a mass and they were going to run more tests.  On July 21, she was gone.

In my short time on this earth, I have experienced a lot of loss.  I have lost dogs, grandparents, classmates.  But nothing can prepare you for the sudden loss of someone so close to you.  Particularly since most of my friends were just turning 21 and going to bars and clubbing - living carefree - and I was helping to make funeral arrangements.

The purpose of this post is not to depress or upset those reading it.  I have a friend - who I used to be quite close to, but unfortunately life has sent us down different paths and separated us a bit.  This friend recently lost her father, not long after having her first child.  I can't even begin to imagine the range of emotions that she has dealt with in the few months.  I have reflected over the last few weeks with hopes of giving her some insight, wishing I could shed some wisdom on her.

The funny thing is, death is such an incredibly personal thing.  Everyone deals with it differently, though I have noticed everyone does seem to go through the stages of grief of which you hear.  It's hard to give advice to someone about something so deep.

I enjoy talking about my mom - remembering the movies we used to watch, how we used to fight about curfew when I was high school, what she might doing right now if she was still here.  I cry every time I hear "The Best Day" by Taylor Swift and put my mom and me in the song - but that's okay.  I think it is so important to remember and honor her memory, even if it's not always easy.

Out of all bad, must come good, and in this case, the good is education.  Before my mom got sick, I had heard of ovarian cancer, but didn't know much about it.  After her death, I took comfort in learning everything about it I could.  I researched on the internet, read books, and talked to doctors.  I make sure to tell the women I know that ovarian cancer does not have glaring symptoms.  They can be easily overlooked or brushed off, which is why it is so deadly.  Through my studies, I learned that ovarian cancer and breast cancer can be directly linked, and a mutated gene can cause them.  Since my mom's mom had breast cancer, it is possible my sister and I could be carriers of this gene.  I have looked into genetic testing, but have not quite reached the point in my life where I am ready to carry through with that.

This year we had a birthday party for my mom - something I am hoping will become a tradition.  We released teal balloons (teal is the ovarian cancer color) with handwritten notes those who knew her attached to the balloons.  It was wonderful.  I would like to get to the point where we can volunteer as a family at the M.D. Anderson Cancer Center, or do charitable events like The Race for the Cure.  Though we have memories, I think it would be so much better if good for others can come out of our loss and we can help others through trying times.

The advice I can give to my friend - and to anyone else - is to take your time.  Grieve the way you want. Talk about your loved one and remember them.  Take time to be angry and to wonder "why".  But most importantly, move on with your life, and live in a way that you know would make your angel proud.  Living your life does not mean you are forgetting, it means you are living the dreams of those who have left you behind only to watch over you from heaven.  Remember that there will never be a day you don't think of who you have lost - and that's okay.  It's okay if you need help, or need to talk to someone.  Reach out to those around you, whether they be friends, a spouse, family, or a counselor.  Be grateful, everyday, for the blessings in your life.  Love is all around you.  Perhaps it is the laughter of your child, a hug from your husband, or a text message from your stepchildren.  Notice the good and important, and try not to dwell on the insignificant.  Cry, if you need to.  Try to laugh more.  There is no set date for "getting over it" and you will grieve in some way or another for the rest of your life, but that does not mean life is over for you.

Time does not necessarily heal all wounds, but you will get stronger...that, I can promise.

Easy Pasta Salad

This pasta salad is a family favorite around my house.  It's super quick and easy, and can be prepared ahead of time.  The few ingredients are stuff I usually have in my kitchen, too.  You can prepare it ahead of time for barbeques or pool parties, or make it for a fast dinner.

You will need:

Uncooked rotini pasta noodles (I prefer the tri-colored ones, mostly because they are prettier.  I buy them in bulk for quick meal fixes.) 

Olive oil

Cubed colby jack cheese

Pepperoni and/or salami

Italian dressing

You can also add olives or other vegetables, but I have picky eaters, so I don't.

Cook and drain noodles.  Drizzle with a little olive oil, toss noodles, and set aside to cool.  Slice the cheese cubes in half or quarters, depending on your preference.  Slice pepperoni and salami into quarters.  Mix cheese and meat into the pasta.  Be careful not to do this until the pasta is cooled, or your cheese will melt.  Drizzle with Italian dressing to taste, and mix thoroughly.  Enjoy!